My middle name is Lynne.

My married name is Pant.

So when I say the Pants are expanding, it’s not because I have been negligent with my diet and exercise. It is because our family is growing.

Wow. It feels really weird to say that.

It’s a dream come true in a way I never really expected.

Getting here hasn’t always been fun or easy.

Here is a little back story. (And if you don’t want to know those details, just jump to the bottom where I get to the wild details of this expansion.)

I got married late in life. I was 37 years old. I met Brian at a friend’s wedding in Cabo San Lucas, and we haven’t been apart since. Here we are both sunburnt at dinner the day after our friends got married:

Michelle + Brian | Cabo San Lucas 2006

We knew that getting pregnant in my late 30’s / early 40’s may not be easy. Brian already had a son, Jackson, from a previous relationship. So while we wanted to have children together, there was not necessarily a “void” for my husband. Before I met Brian, and as I entered my mid/late 30’s and still wasn’t married, I had mentally reconciled that there may or may not be babies in my future. It was just a fact, and if I am nothing else, I am a very pragmatic individual.

Jackson was seven years old when I met him and was – and is – such a joy. I could not have asked for a better Bonus Son. Before Jackson left for college, we saw him often. He was at our house every other weekend and we would drive to Mansfield (about an hour from our house in Dallas) to see him play football, act in a high school musicals, and perform in choir whenever we could. I am blessed to have a great relationship with him, his mom and his step dad. The four of us (parents) love that kid like crazy and I count myself lucky to know & love him. It was fun to be a part of and watch him grow up. He is currently doing really well as a Sophomore at St. Edward’s College in Austin, TX.

Jackson – Age 8

So. Fast forward a couple of years into the marriage. I’m 39 years old and we are trying to get pregnant. Long story short, we struggled with infertility between the two of us, and had a couple of losses along the way. It really kind of sucked. If anybody you know is dealing with this, say an extra prayer for them. It’s a very private but very real issue that happens more often than you would imagine. It should not be taboo. It is not a “failure” to not get pregnant. I could write about 3 other blog posts on that soapbox, so I’ll step down now before I get too fired up.

But. This struggle brought my husband & I closer to each other and closer to God. We got involved with our church, met some lifelong friends, grew our relationship with Christ, both individually and as a couple, and recognized the silver lining during a really cloudy time. Our faith was strong and we understood God had plans for us that did not include starting a family together.

So what did we do? We enjoyed our life. We worked hard, Brian is in sales and I own my own company. We traveled, slept late on the weekends, had dinner parties, loved on our little fur-babies, Samson & Zoey, and lounged around our pool with good music and cocktails whenever we wanted. Jackson was “launched” to college and we travel to see him a couple of times a semester. Basically, we do whatever we want, whenever we want. Sounds pretty awesome, huh?

Zoey + Samson “enjoying” a new Christmas toy

I wasn’t looking to expand our family. That life I just described IS pretty awesome. But God.

God had other plans for us: ADOPTION.

Adoption. That was laid on my heart one day and I thought I misunderstood the message. I was like “Seriously, God? I have an awesome husband, amazing Bonus son, and my life is outstanding and free.”  I wasn’t interested in adopting. For goodness sake, I was 46 years old. I’m too old for that shit. So I ignored the message for a while.

Then I wrestled with the idea.

And tried to ignore it again.

Then. I told Brian. And held my breath.

We had discussed adoption when we were struggling with infertility years ago and he was not interested. Not one bit. But a month had passed since this idea had landed on my heart, and it hadn’t gone away, so I had to bring it up to him.

Once the look of shock wore off of his face, he was totally into it. Yep, just like that. A snap of a finger and he was on board.

So here we are. It’s been about a year since we started the process and we have been matched with a little baby girl, who is due to be born June 12, 2018.

Holy shit. We are going to have a baby!

It still doesn’t seem real. I mean, I can still drink wine AND fit into my pants, but I have a crib. In a nursery. In my house. It’s weird. But in a good way.

There is SO much more to tell you about this journey. I’ll share it in future posts. I hope to bring some light to both infertility and adoption as we continue this adventure. AND of course, I look forward to introducing you to our baby girl this summer. (And for my friends who are just now learning about this via a *bleeping* blog post, I’m sorry I didn’t tell you personally…it’s been a crazy journey to get to this moment, and I’m honestly still a little freaked out.)

Until next time.

Oh – and isn’t the picture of the pants on the clothesline SO awesome & adorable? Thank you to my girl, Kelsey, for her wicked talent in creating what has been in my mind for a decade.